Sawyer often tells me he feels like a failure, or that he feels like he’s stupid. He has told me multiple times now that he doesn’t know why he’s even alive. I tell him “God doesn’t make mistakes, and He made you because He thought the world needed one of you.” What I don’t tell Sawyer is that I feel like a failure because I can’t just magically make him feel better.
To all those parents out there struggling to keep going and keep being everyone’s cheerleader while you, yourself, are struggling- I see you.
The most important news first: Sawyer is doing better.
Yesterday, my son stood up in front of a classroom of his peers and apologized for being alive. As a mother, I cannot find the words to fully explain how it felt to hear my 11-year-old son say those words. It’s heart-shattering and terrifying, and it’s a feeling no parent should ever have to feel.
Today Sawyer starts his first day of middle school. Most people would probably think “Man, that kid is excited for school to start!” What they don’t know is that he wasn’t excited- he was overly prepared because he was a ball of nerves- worrying about being bullied, getting lost, or the work being too hard.
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