Today Sawyer starts his first year of middle school.
He woke up this morning before the alarm went off, asked me about getting his clothes out of the dryer 4 different times, and was outside waiting for the bus 15 minutes before he needed to be out there. After putting is backpack on, he said “Ok, Mom, you can take my picture now.”
Most people would probably think “Man, that kid is excited for school to start!” What they don’t know is that he wasn’t excited- he was overly prepared because he was nervous. Last night he wasn’t smiling; despite feeling much better about middle school after going to Open House last week, he was a ball of nerves- worrying about being bullied, getting lost, or the work being too hard.
First day jitters are real for just about everyone, whether it’s starting school or a new job. Anxiety is common for a lot of people, but autistic children and teenagers can experience anxiety more intensely and more often than typically developing children. For those on the autism spectrum, the smallest change to routine or any new situation may trigger a panic attack, and trying to reason with them doesn’t always work. Autistic children have a lot of trouble identifying and regulating their emotions, as well, so it can be difficult to help them calm down once they’ve started worrying about something.
When Sawyer is anxious, he cries a lot and will sometimes even feel sick to his stomach. Sometimes he will pull at his eyelashes, even pulling them out on occasion, and it usually takes a long time to calm him down. Calming Sawyer down requires a lot of patience, which I don’t always have. I try hard to put myself in his shoes and I have to remind myself that his mind works differently than mine, so logic isn’t always logical to him. I also have to repeat things a lot, to make sure he hears and absorbs what I’m saying, since he has trouble focusing when he’s upset.
When I noticed that Sawyer was upset last night, we had a very long talk about everything he was nervous about, and I gave him solutions to all of those problems. I explained that feeling nervous was normal, and that all his classmates would probably be feeling the same way, and made sure to remind him that his teachers are there to help if he ever needs help with his work, or if someone is mean to him. I hugged him tight for a few minutes (tight hugs give pressure, which is very comforting to a lot of people on the autism spectrum), and we practiced some deep breathing techniques to help him calm down. Eventually he was able to go to bed, but he did tell me this morning he didn’t sleep well.
A couple of people have asked me about putting him on medication for his anxiety. I really don’t want to have to do that; he’s only 11, and I don’t want to have to start a daily medication at this age unless we absolutely have to. However, I worry about what will happen if he gets anxious at school; I know his teachers can’t stop everything to give hugs and talk him down, and I worry about kids making fun of him if he starts crying.
For those with a child or teenager on the spectrum, what has worked the best to calm your child when they get anxious? Fidget toys? Breathing techniques? Exercise?
