“A rolling stone gathers no moss.“
When I moved my children to my hometown in Missouri from Fort Campbell, KY back in the fall of 2016, I was excited to be coming home. I planned to start over as a single mother and plant some roots in my hometown and home state for myself and my children; I was excited to be close to my family again, and looked forward to buying a house and settling down here.
As a little girl growing up in a small farm town in southeast Missouri, I wanted the “American dream”: a husband, some children, and our own little home where we would raise our children together and they could bring their own children back to visit someday and share memories of growing up there with us. However, as a 42-year-old divorced mother who has moved more than 10 times in my life, I have realized that dream will never come true. Just call us rolling stones- my kids have lived in many homes throughout their lives, and each one of them considers a different place “home”. Emily considers Fort Campbell, KY, where we lived for 8 years of her life, home. Caitlyn has found her comfort and peace in Atoka, TN, where she moved two years ago to live with her dad and attend a bigger high school with more opportunities than our small town in Missouri could offer her. However, Sawyer- like me- has fallen in love with my hometown in the bootheel of Missouri. He loves small town life, and has a deep love for our community and his school.
The last few years have seen many changes in our lives as a family. When I moved back here in 2016, one of the biggest reasons I chose to do that was because my immediate family was all here, and a lot of my extended family was close by. My parents were aging and I wanted to be nearby so I could help take care of them. Now, I have lost both my parents (within 5 years of each other). My sister’s children live busy lives in towns an hour or more from here, and she has said that she will probably eventually move to live closer to them. My brother keeps to himself and we don’t see him often anymore. Emily lives primarily at college, and Caitlyn lives 2 hours away in Tennessee. For the last 2 years, it’s mostly been Sawyer and me alone here in Missouri and traveling often to see and spend time with the girls. Sawyer misses his sisters so much when they’re apart, and I never feel happiness like I do when I have all three of my children under the same roof.
Both of the girls have said many times that they don’t like small town life, and will never move back to Missouri (or at least the area I currently live in). I’m quick to remind them of the way our community has rallied around us and our family in times of tragedy and trauma, and we are all deeply grateful and appreciative for that. But as the girls grow up and make plans for their futures, it’s become apparent that Tennessee is where they plan to make their homes. Emily plans to get her master’s at the University of Memphis, so she has moved her things to her dad’s and usually stays there when she’s on school breaks because that’s where she’ll live while she attends college at U of M. Caitlyn plans to stay close to home and wants to attend the University of Memphis after she graduates to continue performing as a member of the band’s color guard. My ex-husband and his wife bought their home a few years back with the intention of settling down there close to their families, so they will probably live in Atoka, TN for a lot of years to come.
I’ve thought many times over the last couple of years about moving to the area of Tennessee my ex husband lives in. It’s where the girls both call home now, and closer to Memphis for when I have to travel for work meetings and events. The area has a lot to offer, with many restaurants, grocery stores, doctors’ offices, etc. and the school district is wonderful. While close to Memphis, there is still a small town feel to the little towns in the area, and the rolling hills and beautiful scenery make it a beautiful place to be. However, my family is here in Missouri, and I love my little town and its people. This place has always felt safe and warm to me, and even though we don’t have much here, there is a feeling of love and welcoming here. Our town’s people take care of each other, and it’s a wonderful place to raise children.
After giving it a lot of thought, I’ve decided to move to Tennessee. This was not an easy decision for me; it’s something I’ve struggled with for months. I have sat down and weighed the pros and cons and looked at my budget, and I’ve decided that it’s something I need to do for my children. Not only will it allow me to be at more of Caitlyn’s events and competitions, it will bring my children back together and give Sawyer more time to spend with his dad. Sawyer is growing up, and he needs to have his dad close by to help with some of the challenges we will face as he hits puberty. Not only that, but it will open up so many more opportunities for Sawyer to explore interests and make friends; the school district where we’re moving has a lot of amazing clubs and activities for its students. Even though I love our school district, they are lacking in clubs and activities for kids who don’t love sports. My ex-husband has even mentioned getting him into karate, which I think might be really good for him.
I’m going to miss Missouri, for sure. My sister- who is my absolute favorite person besides my children- is here, and I’ll miss her dearly. I’ll also be further away from my niece, nephew, my brother, and the rest of my extended family in the area, which is not ideal for holidays and birthdays. I’ll miss my friends and being able to get together for dinner or a girls’ night out (or in- we’re kinda old for the bar scene these days!). I’ll miss my hometown and the sweet small town lifestyle we live here, where everybody knows and looks after each other- like a Hallmark movie. I’ll miss my country road drives and taking pictures of the landscape here in Southeast Missouri.
Sawyer was pretty upset when I first talked to him about moving. As I said, he absolutely loves our hometown and he really hates change, which is common in people with autism. Sawyer thrives on routine and knowing what to expect, and he was panicked at the thought of a new (and much bigger) school where he doesn’t know the kids or teachers. After talking about it a lot, though, he is getting excited to move. He’s sad to be leaving his friends and school, but he is happy to be close to my ex-husband and his family, and especially happy to be close to Caitlyn again. He’s also excited that there’s a Taco Bell nearby. LOL! He’s excited to try some new things and make new friends. He knows one boy who will be going to school with him, so I’m hoping they can become good friends and maybe even have a sleepover at some point; Sawyer has always wanted to have a sleepover with a friend but so far he’s never had a friend who was close enough to invite him to one.
We are moving to Tennessee right after Christmas. So far everything seems to be falling into place for us, and I feel pretty good about the move. Moving around the holidays is not ideal, but it is what it is; I found a great little place less than a mile from the kids’ dad’s house, so the location is perfect and the price is well within my budget- I had to jump on it. This also means Sawyer can start school there when all the kids return from Christmas break. Luckily, I work remotely so it won’t affect my job and I can move without having to find a new role somewhere else.
Change is always a little bit scary and sad, but it can also be exhilarating and refreshing. I have moved so many times in my life- way more than I ever imagined I would. I hate moving, and I really thought I would be settled down by this point in my life, but I’m not. This year has been a hard one; I’m praying this move will be a great new start for us and allow me to climb out of the valley I’ve been desperately trying to get out of for a year now. It’s looking like 2025 is going to be a new year filled with new opportunities, and for the first time in a long time, I feel hopeful.
