Things have been pretty busy with us over the last few weeks. With Caitlyn’s band competitions and now adding therapy for Sawyer into the mix, life has been chaotic, but we are doing ok. Things are slowing down a little bit now, but as we head into the holiday season, things will pick up again soon.
Holidays have been an issue for us for a long time. I have written before about how holidays can be a challenge for us due to Sawyer’s special needs. In recent years, Sawyer hasn’t gotten overstimulated as badly as he did when he was little, but the biggest issue these days is that everyone seems to have a pet, and if you know Sawyer, you know he is absolutely terrified of dogs. He doesn’t like cats either, but dogs are the big thing. Sawyer actually has cynophobia, which is an extreme fear of dogs. When he sees a dog- no matter how big or small- he screams, starts hyperventilating, sweating, and crying uncontrollably. He has told me that when he sees a dog, he immediately feels like “someone is chopping off” his head. I don’t know how that feels for him, but it can’t be good. We have done everything we can think of to try to cure his phobia, but so far nothing has worked.
A couple of months ago, we went to visit with some of our extended family at my aunt’s house. My aunt has an adorable goldendoodle that is the sweetest doggie ever, but Sawyer is still deathly afraid of him. On this particular day, her dog got out the door before she could stop him and came running right at Sawyer. Sawyer immediately started screaming at him, which made the dog bark at him. It was pure chaos for a few minutes until my aunt was able to get her dog into his kennel, and it took Sawyer a long time to calm down. I felt horrible for him; he was visibly trembling and sweating, and he couldn’t stop crying for a little while after we got inside the house. We tried to explain to Sawyer that the dog only barked at him because he screamed at it, but the thing about irrational fears is that logic doesn’t work to help them understand why something happened the way it did. My aunt kept her dog in the kennel for a while, but he kept crying to be let out, so eventually Sawyer went to one of the bedrooms to watch TV and we let the dog out to play.
Over the last few years, we have spent a lot of holidays at my aunt’s house. When we go, we are usually there for most of the day. Sawyer normally stays in one of the bedrooms with the door shut, playing on his phone or tablet, and I thought he was happy with this arrangement, but he has recently told me he doesn’t like having to do that. He said “It’s not fun for me to spend all day by myself while everybody else is hanging out and having fun” and I felt horrible. We talked about it, and I decided that since almost all our relatives have pets and don’t like having to put their pets into the kennel, we would start doing our own celebrations at my house. It will be a different tradition for us, but this way Sawyer is free to celebrate the holiday with everyone, and now my relatives won’t have to kennel their dogs during holiday celebrations.
Last Christmas, my sister and I went to the Smokies with our kids and we cooked a holiday meal together at the cabin we rented, but Thanksgiving this year will be the first time I’ve ever cooked almost the entire holiday meal on my own. It will be weird not to spend holidays with our extended family- like we’ve always done- but I have to do what’s best for us. Holidays shouldn’t have to be scary for anyone, and I definitely don’t want Sawyer to have to spend them locked inside a bedroom if he doesn’t want to be there.
So here’s to new and different traditions! Are there any family traditions you’ve had to alter because of a loved one’s special need(s)?
