A friend shared this on her Facebook page and I had to share it here:

Sawyer is 11 now, and even though he’s come a very long way, he is still very different from his peers. Even though most of the time the kids at his school are understanding about his autism, there are still a few who like to make fun of him for his differences. 

Recently Sawyer told me about an incident that happened at school before they got out for summer break. One of my friends whose daughter is friends with Sawyer had already kinda told me about it, but she didn’t know the details when she asked me about it; she just said something had happened during kickball and that Sawyer had gotten really upset. Sawyer explained that they were playing kickball, and when he got up to kick, some of the kids on the other team started saying “Easy out!”. When he yelled at them to stop, a child that he is friends with started mocking what he said, but saying it the way Sawyer used to talk before his speech was good. I was shocked; we know this child well and I know for a fact that his parents wouldn’t teach him that at home. I asked Sawyer if he was sure that was the child who said it, and he said yes. He then proceeded to tell me “I told him to stop, and that he hurt my feelings when he made fun of how I used to talk. I got so mad, Mom! I wanted to hit him, but I walked away and took some deep breaths to calm down, like you said to do when I get mad.” I told him I was really proud of him for not hitting the boy, and I said I was sorry that had happened to him. I asked him if he wanted me to talk to the boy’s mom, and he said yes. He said “I don’t want to get him in trouble, but I don’t want him to make fun of me like that anymore.” (I did talk to my friend about what happened, and as expected, she was shocked and appalled that her son would do something like that- especially since he and Sawyer are friends. She promised to talk to her son about his actions, and apologized profusely, and we are all good. ♥)

As a parent, there is little in this world more heartbreaking and infuriating to find out someone was mean to your kid. There have been times Sawyer has told me things that have happened to him and I’ve had to literally fight the “Mama Bear” urge to go “handle it”. I don’t want Sawyer to think that anger and violence are the answer when we get upset with people, though, so instead I choose to talk to him about how to calm down when we get mad, and explain why people make fun of others. 

I’ve told Sawyer that some kids don’t have parents who talk to them about the importance of being kind. I’ve also told him that I know for a fact that some parents DO talk to their kids about not making fun of others and they do it anyway- I’m an example of that very thing! I have talked to my kids ’til I’m blue in the face about the importance of treating everyone how you want to be treated, but even still, my girls did things when they were growing up that I had to discipline them for, such as the time Caitlyn got in trouble for bullying a little girl in 4th grade.  

I’ve explained that people who make fun of others are usually sad or mad about something in their own life; happy people don’t feel the need to tear others down. 

I’ve also explained that sometimes kids make fun of people because their friends are doing it, and they don’t want to look weak or get made fun of, themselves, if they don’t join in. This was the case with Caitlyn when she bullied the girl in 4th grade; she said she didn’t want the other girls to do it to her if she didn’t join them. Peer pressure is a beast, y’all.

I’ve talked to Sawyer a lot about walking away and taking a minute or two to calm down when we get upset. As he has gotten older, his temper has gotten bad and sometimes he gets physically violent when he’s upset about things, so we have talked a lot about what to do when we feel ourselves getting mad about something. He’s making progress, but those prepubescent hormones are no joke, and he has a very hard time controlling himself sometimes. Sawyer doesn’t know his own strength, and it terrifies me to think that he’s going to hurt himself or someone else.

The thing about it is nobody is perfect. I’m sure not, and my kids aren’t either. I realize that even the most well-behaved, respectful kids can slip sometimes and say or do things that are mean or rude- just like adults. I am definitely guilty of saying and doing things that are really mean sometimes, because I think it’s “funny”, and then later on I’ll pray for forgiveness because I realize I was wrong. And we can preach at our kids to be kind and not be bullies all day every day, but there is going to be a day when that kid will do or say something that we find appalling. NEVER say “my child would never!” because I guarantee they will prove you wrong! It doesn’t mean we failed as a parent, or that the kid is bad- it just means they’re human.

It is important to teach our kids, though, that some people in the world are different, and just because they’re different doesn’t mean they’re bad or stupid or weird. We all have things that we don’t like about ourselves, and we need to remember how we would feel if someone pointed those things out and used them to make fun of us in front of others. Most of the time, those people who are different know they’re different, and they’re already deeply self conscious of the things that set them apart from their peers, like Sawyer and his speech. And if we do or say something that hurts someone’s feelings- especially about something that makes them different- we need to apologize for that and try to do better in the future.

Sawyer is deeply anxious about moving up to 6th grade this fall, because he thinks the bigger kids are going to make fun of him and bully him. My prayer is that the older Sawyer gets, the more the other kids may understand and accept his differences and the differences of others like him.